Explaining Your Neurodivergence to Older Generations: Tips for Families
“No one had ADHD back in my day!” or “We’re all a little bit autistic.” Sound familiar? If you’ve heard these phrases, you’re not alone. Misconceptions about neurodivergence are everywhere, especially as diagnoses seem to rise. In 2000, only 6.7% of the UK population were identified as neurodivergent*, compared to 15-20% today**. Does that mean there’s a sudden boom in ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and other neurodivergent conditions? Well, not exactly. Neurodiversity has always existed, but what’s changed is awareness. As research grows and stigma fades, more people feel empowered to seek a diagnosis and live authentically. That’s progress, but it can still feel challenging when loved ones see things differently. Maybe it’s a parent who says, “We never had this in our day!” or a grandparent who’s curious but unsure what it means. In this article, we’ll share practical tips for talking about neurodiversity, especially with older generations, helping turn confusion into understanding.
- Use everyday language
Neurodiversity can come with a dictionary’s worth of jargon - executive dysfunction, hyperfocus, allistic, etc. While these terms might make sense to you, they can sound confusing to someone unfamiliar. The goal is to make your experience relatable. For example, instead of saying:
“I struggle with executive functioning,” try: “I find it easier to do things in a certain order because it helps me stay focused.”
Or:
“I start work at a specific time because my ADHD means I work best with flexible hours.”
Everyday examples make it real, simple, personal, and easy to understand. If you’re talking to a parent or grandparent, you care for, use scenarios they recognise in your daily life:
“When I’m cleaning your house, I like to do it in this order because it keeps me calm.”
- Try analogies
Analogies can take something that feels complex and turn it into something familiar and friendly. Instead of diving into clinical definitions or overwhelming details, analogies create a way for someone to connect what they already know with what you’re trying to explain.
Neurodiversity is simply about differences in how brains work. And differences aren’t new - they’re everywhere in life.
We already accept differences like eye colour or height, so why not how our brains process information? Analogies make that leap easy. Here’s an example to try:
“Some people wear glasses, some are left-handed. Brains work differently too.”
- Address misconceptions
Misconceptions about neurodivergence are unfortunately everywhere, and they can shape how people respond when you share your experience. These myths often come from outdated stereotypes or limited media portrayals, so it’s no surprise that some people still hold them. That’s why addressing misconceptions is such an important step in helping loved ones understand what neurodiversity really means.
When someone believes a stereotype, it can lead to confusion, judgment, or even well-meaning but unhelpful advice. By gently challenging these ideas, it’s not about proving anyone wrong; it’s about showing that neurodivergent experiences are diverse and personal.
Start by explaining that conditions like ADHD, autism, or Tourette’s don’t look the same for everyone. There’s no single “type” of neurodivergent person. Each individual like yourself has unique strengths, challenges, and coping strategies. Framing it this way helps shift the conversation from labels to lived experience, making it easier for your loved one to see you - not the stereotype.
- Explain masking
Masking can be one of the biggest reasons people say things like, “But you don’t seem autistic!” For many neurodivergent people, masking becomes second nature - a survival strategy to fit into social norms. It can look like smiling when you’re overwhelmed, mimicking social cues, laughing at jokes you don’t find funny, or forcing eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable.
Explaining masking helps shift the conversation from, “You seem fine,” to, “I understand why you need space.” Use real-life examples to make it click:
“At work, I join every team call with a big smile, even when I’m struggling to process what’s being said.”
“At family gatherings, I act extra chatty, so no one thinks I’m rude, even though it completely wipes me out.”
“I rehearse small talk before social events, so I don’t seem awkward, but it leaves me exhausted afterwards.”
When loved ones hear these examples, they start to connect the dots.
- Encourage questions
When you share something as personal as being neurodivergent, it’s natural for loved ones to feel a mix of emotions. They might even feel guilty for not noticing sooner, if you have received a later diagnosis as an adult. These feelings are normal and acknowledging them can make the conversation easier for both of you.
Encouraging questions is one of the most powerful ways to build understanding. It turns what could feel like a one-sided explanation into a dialogue. Questions show that your loved one cares enough to learn, and that’s a great starting point for empathy. Instead of worrying about saying the wrong thing, they can feel safe to ask, and you can guide them toward clarity.
Framing the conversation as a shared learning experience helps remove pressure. You’re not expecting them to know everything overnight, and you’re not delivering a lecture. You’re inviting curiosity, which builds connection rather than judgment.
*Are we becoming a more neurodiverse nation? - Options Autism