Rest and Refresh: A Guide for Carers to Enjoy Breaks Without Feeling Guilty

With summer here, many people are planning holidays for some well-deserved rest and relaxation. For carers, time away from caregiving is known as respite care, a short-term service designed to give primary caregivers a much-needed break. It enables carers to rest, travel, or spend quality time with other family members and friends.

However, for many carers, taking breaks, whether it’s for a few hours or a week away, can bring up complex feelings of guilt and anxiety about who will take over their responsibilities during their absence. Despite these emotions, taking time out is essential for your wellbeing. And as someone juggling multiple roles, it’s crucial to find moments to unwind and lighten your load.

In this article, we offer guidance on how you can enjoy a break with minimal guilt, ensuring you return refreshed and ready to continue your caregiving role with renewed energy.

Practicalities of taking time off as a carer

A staggering 47% of unpaid carers haven’t taken a break since their responsibilities began*, highlighting the significant challenges many carers face in taking time off. These difficulties aren’t just emotional—arranging time away can also be logistically complex.

So, before we delve into managing the emotional aspects of taking a break, let's explore some charities that support carers in taking time off. You can explore this CarersUK resource, which offers guidance on arranging care for your loved one while you’re away and lists organisations that can help.

Charities that support carers with breaks:

• After Umbrage: This charity offers free, short breaks for anyone who has been caring for someone with a life-limiting condition.

• The Respite Association: Provides self-catering breaks for carers without the person they usually care for, giving them time away from their routine.
• Victoria Convalescent Trust: Offers grants to fund or part-fund short breaks for carers of any age living in England and Wales.

Your guide to taking a guilt-free break: 4 tips

1. Start small

Before committing to a longer break, consider easing into the process with shorter periods away. For example, if you typically skip lunch breaks, start by taking a full one just for yourself. Or, use a half-day of annual leave to enjoy an afternoon off, focusing entirely on your own needs without any caregiving duties.

These small steps might feel insignificant, but they can gradually help you become more comfortable being away. By building up to longer breaks in this way, you can ease feelings of guilt and anxiety, making the transition smoother and more manageable.

2. Challenge negative thoughts

The first step to overcoming guilt is recognising the negative thoughts that trigger it. Pay attention to when these thoughts arise and identify any patterns. Once you’re aware of them, you can begin to reframe them.

For instance, if you think, “I’m not doing enough to justify going away,” try reframing it to: “I’m doing my best, which is more than enough. I deserve a break.”

Compassionate self-talk is also powerful. Speak to yourself as you would to a loved one. If a friend or family member felt guilty about taking time off from caregiving, would you tell them they didn’t deserve it—or would you reassure them that they absolutely did? Offer yourself the same kindness and understanding.

3. Be clear with expectations

Guilt can often come from uncertainty - how the person you care for will manage in your absence, or whether everything will run smoothly. That’s why communication is key.

Clearly explain your plans to the person you care for, reassuring them about the arrangements in place. Talk to friends and family about your break and any temporary caregiving responsibilities. Their support can be invaluable.

Make sure the temporary caregiver has detailed information about the person’s needs, preferences, and routines. Prepare a care plan that includes daily schedules, medication, and emergency contacts. Sharing this plan with everyone involved helps build trust and peace of mind for all parties.

If you're feeling uneasy about completely disconnecting, consider using technology to strike a healthy balance. You don’t have to be available 24/7, but setting up occasional check-ins via phone or video call can offer peace of mind.

This can be especially helpful in the early stages of taking breaks, as it reassures both you and the person you care for. Just make sure these check-ins don’t become overwhelming - remember, the goal is to rest.

4. Practise staying present

Mindfulness is about being fully present in the moment - something that can help you manage feelings of guilt and anxiety. It doesn’t require extra time or a new routine; you can practise it during everyday activities.

For example, when eating, focus on the flavours and textures of your food. When speaking with someone, listen actively without distractions.

During your break, use mindfulness techniques to anchor yourself. If you’re on a train or plane, feel the texture of your seat or observe the scenery outside. If you’re at the beach, notice the sensation of the sand under your feet. These small actions can ground you in the present and help you enjoy your time more fully.

Remember - your break shouldn’t just be about not caregiving, it should also be about replenishing yourself. Whether it’s a spa day, a walk in nature, binge-watching your favourite show, or going on a short trip, choose activities that you find personally fulfilling and restorative. Sometimes carers focus so much on the logistics of arranging a break that they forget to actually enjoy it. Treat this time as a reward for your hard work, not just a pause in responsibility.

* 47% of UK unpaid carers have never had a break – SocialCareToday