Small Acts of Unmasking: Everyday Ways to Reduce Neurodivergent Camouflage
Ever feel like you’re acting in a play that never ends? That’s masking - a common experience for neurodivergent individuals, especially those with autism or ADHD. It’s the art of hiding your true self to fit in, whether by mimicking behaviour, underplaying interests, scripting conversations, or forcing eye contact. While masking might feel like a shortcut to fitting in, it can be exhausting and in the long run, lead to low self-esteem, identity confusion, and even burnout. So, how do you stop masking and embrace the real you?
- Ask yourself: Who am I when I’m alone?
Masking can become so second nature that you might not even realise you’re doing it. The first step to breaking the cycle is awareness. Start by asking yourself: “What am I like when I’m completely alone?” Notice the behaviours that feel natural when no one’s around. Maybe you hum while thinking, move your hands when you’re excited, or wear clothes that feel comforting rather than ‘acceptable’. Do you feel more relaxed in these moments? These traits are part of your authentic self, and they deserve space to exist.
Now compare this to how you act in social settings, especially in the workplace. Do you feel drained after meetings or find yourself avoiding these natural behaviours - not because they’re unprofessional, but because you worry about seeming ‘odd’ or breaking unwritten rules? Paying attention to these differences is key. It helps you spot where masking is happening and gives you the power to slowly reclaim your authentic self.
- Get curious
Understanding masking is a powerful step toward self-compassion. Start by researching what masking really means and why it happens. This knowledge can help you uncover the reasons behind your own masking behaviours and answer questions you may have about your diagnosis or lived experience.
Learning about the psychological and emotional impact of masking can also validate what you’ve been feeling. Explore resources and read personal stories to gain insight. The more you understand the ‘why’, the easier it becomes to challenge societal expectations and embrace your true self without guilt or fear.
- Find your comfort zone
Start small and think about the people who make you feel most at ease. Perhaps it’s a close friend who understands, a parent who never judges, or even a colleague.
These are your safe spaces, your judgment-free zones where you can begin to peel back the layers of masking without fear. With these trusted people, try letting go of the habits you’ve picked up just to fit in. Maybe that means skipping forced eye contact when it feels uncomfortable or dropping facial expressions that don’t come naturally.
You can also take this opportunity to share parts of yourself you’ve been hiding, like a special interest you’ve kept under wraps because you worried it might seem “too much.” Talking about what lights you up can feel liberating and help you reconnect with your authentic self.
- Don’t go it alone
Even though around 15-20% of the population is neurodivergent*, it can still feel like an isolating experience. Neurodiversity covers a wide range of experiences, so just because someone else is neurodivergent doesn’t mean they share your challenges. That’s why finding a community that truly understands masking can make a huge difference. Try to begin by looking for internal employee resource groups (ERGs) or inclusion networks within your workplace. Many companies have neurodiversity or accessibility groups where you can connect with colleagues who ‘get it’, share experiences, and exchange experiences for thriving at work.
Beyond the office, explore external communities too. The National Autistic Society offers support through local centres and online social groups. For those who have ADHD or AuDHD, the ADHD Collective Group provides a membership community for adults looking for connection and advice.
- Give yourself time
Masking can be a deeply ingrained habit, so don’t expect to stop it overnight, and don’t feel guilty for realising you’ve been masking. You’ve done it for a reason - to protect yourself from criticism or bullying in a world designed for neurotypical norms. Masking is a coping strategy, not a flaw. So give yourself credit for surviving and thriving in your own way.
Unmasking is a gradual process that takes patience and plenty of self-compassion. Think of it like learning a new skill. You wouldn’t expect to master a new musical instrument in a day. Start small, celebrate progress, and remind yourself that every step toward being the real you is what matters.