9 Steps to Manage ‘Big Emotions’ After a Long Day (for You & Your Child)

After a long day at work, there’s nothing better than coming home to your little one. But let’s be honest - those reunions aren’t always picture-perfect. Sometimes, instead of a warm cuddle, you’re met with tears or an emotional outburst. At the same time, you might be battling your own exhaustion, stress, or a need for a little space. Sound familiar?

These ‘big emotions’ - both yours and your child’s - are completely natural. Understanding and managing them can transform those tricky after-work moments into meaningful connection time. Here’s how:

1. Acknowledge the transition period

Switching from work mode to parenting mode is a transition - for both of you. You’ve had a long day of meetings, deadlines, and responsibilities, and your child has had a full-on day of exploring, learning, and navigating their own emotions. Coming back together is an adjustment.

Instead of pushing through the exhaustion, take a few minutes to reset. If possible, do a ‘decompression ritual’ - change into comfy clothes, splash cold water on your face, or take deep breaths at the front door before stepping inside. If your child is having an emotional meltdown, acknowledge both your feelings: “We’re both tired, aren’t we? Let’s take a deep breath together.”

2. Decode the behaviour

If your child greets you with a meltdown, it’s not a rejection - it’s a sign that they feel safe enough to let it all out. Young children often hold it together in nursery or with a caregiver, and when they see you, their ‘safe person,’ all the pent-up emotions of the day come spilling out. Instead of taking it personally or responding with frustration, remind yourself that this is a sign of deep trust.

Instead of: “Why are you crying? You were fine at nursery!”
Try: “I can see you’ve had a big day. I’m here now, and we can figure it out together.”

This validates their feelings while offering comfort and stability.

3. Practise emotional regulation together

If you’re feeling drained, it can be difficult to stay calm when your child is upset. But children pick up on your emotions, so staying composed can help them feel safe. Instead of snapping or getting frustrated, use your tiredness as an opportunity to model calmness.

Instead of: “I can’t deal with this right now!” Try: “I see you’re upset, and I’m feeling tired too. Let’s both take a moment to calm down. How about we sit together and take a deep breath?”

By labelling your own feelings and taking a moment to reset together, you help your child learn to recognise and manage their emotions too.

4. Use touch & presence more than words

When you’re exhausted, talking through feelings can feel impossible. Instead, lean into physical reassurance: a long hug, a quick cuddle on the sofa, or simply holding their hand can regulate both your emotions.

If your child is having a meltdown, instead of immediately reasoning with them, try getting on their level, offering your arms, and saying, “I’m here. We’ll figure it out.” Sometimes, that’s all they need.

5. Have a reconnection or reset ritual

Children thrive on predictability. Create a small, predictable ritual that signals it’s time to transition from stress to calm and security.

Ideas:

• The ‘do-over’ door: If emotions are running high, step outside together and re-enter as if it’s the first time. It might sound silly, but physically resetting can work wonders.
• Magic phrase: Choose a phrase like “Let’s hit restart” or “Pause and hug” -saying it helps both of you step out of frustration.
• Shared deep breath: Have a fun way to breathe together - blow out pretend birthday candles or do a ‘lion’s breath’ (big inhale, fierce exhale like a lion roaring).
• Quiet corner: Create a ‘cosy corner’ where you and your child can unwind and share a quiet moment together. It could be as simple as a sofa with a weighted blanket and soft pillows, or a quiet nook filled with sensory toys and calming music.
• A simple game like “Guess what I had for lunch today?” or “Let’s do a silly handshake” can reset the mood and offer a moment of light-heartedness.
• Offering a ‘choice’ to empower them: “Shall we read a book together or build something with blocks first?”

6. Keep after-work expectations low

Trying to tackle household chores, emails, or even making an elaborate dinner immediately after getting home can add stress for everyone. Instead, keep things simple in that first hour:

• Have easy, nutritious meal options on standby (think batch-cooked meals or finger foods they can nibble while you chat).
• Prioritise low-energy bonding activities over structured play. Even sitting together while they play independently counts!

7. Make space for your own feelings

It’s easy to focus entirely on your child’s emotions, but yours matter too. It’s okay to say, “I need a few minutes to breathe before we play.” In fact, modelling self-care teaches your child how to manage their own emotions.

Ideas:

• Have a ‘quiet reset’ where you and your child sit together but don’t talk yet - just breathe, cuddle, or do a simple activity like looking at a book.
• Use a visual timer: “Mummy/Daddy needs five minutes, then we’ll play together.”

• If possible, lean on your support network - a partner, a friend, or even a virtual check-in with someone who gets it.

8. End the day on a positive note

No matter how the evening unfolds, a comforting bedtime routine helps settle emotions and reinforce connection.

• Share a calming bedtime story or sing a quiet song.

• Reflect on one ‘happy moment’ from the day, even if it was just sharing a giggle.
• Keep bedtime calm - dim lighting, gentle voices, and a reassuring “I love you, and we’ll have another adventure tomorrow.”
• A simple “I was really tired earlier, but I love you so much” at bedtime can smooth over a rough evening.

9. Take care of yourself too

It’s easy to forget your own needs when you’re focused on managing your child’s emotions. But to reset, you also need to feel emotionally cared for. After you’ve tucked your little one in, take time for yourself. Whether it’s a hot cup of tea, reading a chapter of your favourite book, or simply sitting quietly in the living room, make sure you have a few minutes to recharge.

Big emotions, both yours and your child’s, are not problems to fix, but signals to understand. Some evenings will feel chaotic. Some nights, patience will run thin. That’s okay. The goal isn’t to handle every moment flawlessly - it’s to repair and reconnect when things feel tough. And remember, no one gets it right every time - just showing up with love is a great place to start.