Baby Name Negotiation: 6 Top Tips to Keep the Peace When Choosing Your Baby's Name
Choosing a baby name sounds dreamy until you realise it’s less about picking your favourite and more about navigating a minefield of opinions, family traditions, and emotions. For many parents, this decision can become one of the first big tests of compromise in their relationship, as well as the first sign of potential differences in parent-related decision-making styles. So how do you keep the peace and still land on a name you both love? Here are some practical tips and strategies to (hopefully) make the process a little smoother.
- Start early (but not too early)
When it comes to baby names, there are two kinds of people: those who’ve been walking around with a list of baby names in their notes app for years, and those who haven’t thought about names at all until they’re expecting. One thing that’s almost always true, is that everyone has strong opinions about choosing their child’s name. That’s why it’s important to start the process earlier rather than later – just in case you love the name ‘Oliver’, only to discover your partner’s childhood bully went by that name. Next.
Some parents-to-be like to get a head start, even before the baby has been conceived. That’s fine, but do consider that when the time finally comes, several things could happen: you may not like the name anymore, a close friend or family member may have chosen it first, it may have become overly popular or, worse, infamous. So, it will be back to the drawing board for you anyway. On the flip side, waiting until you are in the hospital can lead to panic decisions.
Top tip: Aim for the sweet spot: start discussing names in the second trimester when the excitement is high, but the pressure isn’t crushing. This gives you time to introduce one another to your favourites, allow yourself and your partner to ‘try on’ names, and explore the possibilities of first and second name combos, etc.
- Make a no-judgment list
Start by creating individual lists of names you love. Make a pact not to “yuck one another’s yum” or poo-poo any names without real consideration and respect. Next, highlight any overlaps. You might find that even if you don’t agree on specific names at first, you might discover you both like one-syllable names, or both hate the idea of traditional names. You’d be surprised at how often this exercise reveals surprising common ground.
Top tip: Use a shared notes app or a baby name app (like Kinder) so you can add names on the go. Inspiration strikes at odd times, like during a Netflix binge or while scrolling nursery décor ideas. You can also unlock your TikTok and Instagram algorithms to discover a whole world of baby-naming content (if you dare).
- Set boundaries early
Are family names non-negotiable? Do you want to avoid names of ex-partners? Are names of colleagues, friends or the names of friends’ children totally off the table? These boundaries matter. It’s best to discuss them up front to avoid heartbreak later.
- Think beyond the name
Your baby’s name won’t exist in isolation. It’ll appear on all their nursery artwork, written on name tags and called out in classrooms for years to come. It will also, of course, appear on official documents like passports and bank accounts and follow them from childhood and adulthood. So, if you’re leaning towards an uncommon name, or one with unusual spelling, consider how your child may spend the rest of their life having to spell their name for people, or accept potential mispronunciations.
Top tip: Consider the bigger picture. How easy it will be for nursery staff, teachers and classmates to pronounce and spell your child’s name. Is there a scenario where it could cause confusion or embarrassment? A name that feels whimsical now might be tricky for a toddler learning to write or be “cringe” for an introverted teenager to say aloud.
Say the name out loud with your surname. Imagine a teacher calling it across a busy nursery classroom. Check initials. And think about nicknames because children will invent them whether you like it or not.
- Avoid crowdsourcing
As tempting as it is to ask your mum, run it by your bestie or post a poll on social media, outside opinions can completely derail your progress. When you’ve finally landed on a name you and your partner both love, all it can take is one bad reaction to completely derail your decision and send you spiralling. And, what feels like helpful feedback can often turn into pressure. Keep your cards close to your chest and the name you’ve chosen just between you and your partner. Once your baby arrives and you’re ready to introduce them to the world, everyone will love their name – and if they don’t, they’ll be much better at keeping it to themselves after the fact.
- Enjoy the process
Naming your baby is one of the most personal decisions you will make together, and yes, it can bring disagreements and bumps along the way. Buckle up, because that’s completely normal. Instead of letting tension take over, see it as an opportunity to understand each other’s values, family traditions and hopes for the future. These conversations matter just as much as the name itself.
If you find yourselves stuck, take a break. Pour a cup of tea, laugh about the names that made your “never” list and remind yourselves why you are doing this: to welcome a new life you both love. At the end of the day, the person makes the name, not the other way round. Your child’s personality will shine far brighter than any letters on a birth certificate. Approach the process with patience, humour and a spirit of compromise.