Mindfulness and Parenting: Teaching Children to be Mindful

Mindfulness is an approach to life that not only benefits parents but can also help you focus the attention of your little ones, says Rabiya McKeverne.

When we refer to mindfulness, we refer to a way of paying attention: on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgementally. How can mindfulness help individuals to manage difficult situations at work and at home?

Mindfulness & its relevance to parenting

As a professional, part-time student and mother of a 3-year-old boy, I would be at a loss to cope without a mindfulness approach. In my view, there are two fundamental ingredients to mindfulness: "being" in the moment and an understanding of an innate peace within us. That's not to say that mindfulness somehow gives me super-hero parent powers, but what it does do, is bring a touch of well-needed lightness.

Is it any surprise, with the number of balls the average parent juggles, worrying becomes habitual? Who isn't guilty of not being present in the moment? This autopilot state of being can be a source of unnecessary stress for any parent.

The good news is that mindfulness can be just as easy to embrace - by simply engaging one's senses. Right now, you can be mindful of your body resting on a chair; the sounds near and far in your awareness (including internal dialogue!); the colours in sight; savouring the food that you're eating. Simply speaking, it is teaching ourselves to be present and to fully engage with whatever it is that we are experiencing at a given time.

Being present moment-to-moment

For me, practising moment-to-moment awareness has become essential to 'being' a parent. Learning to bring acceptance to the moment just as it is, however pleasant or unpleasant, easy or difficult, joyous or frustrating.

An ever-present inner peace

Within our core, there is a still point that has been described in many ways from "innate well-being" to "nirvana". The 'deeper feeling' or 'peace' is always present as a core in each of us. The thing is we're either unaware of its existence or when in the middle of our everyday parental juggling act, our thoughts and feelings are what feels real rather than this deeper peace.

How these ingredients, mixed together, make the difference between responding and reacting.

Take this scenario: I've just picked my boy up from childcare. He is grumpy and looks like he's going to fall asleep momentarily and dinner isn't ready. I didn't manage to meet a work deadline today, the house is a mess and I have guests arriving in two days - "I wish I was more organised, more efficient" blah, blah, blah. I'm sensing myself getting overwhelmed as my boy asks me for the third time 'Mummy, come and sit with me!"

Pause!

I watch the eggs that I am whisking becoming one shade of orange, feel my hands gripping the fork and smell the butter melting in the pan. Boom, I become aware of the innate peace and my head clears and I know that the only thing I need / can attend to right now is getting this omelette cooked and putting my boy to bed. One thing at a time.

Similarly, when my boy is 'misbehaving', the clarity that becomes present allows me to see what is going on from his perspective, which means that my response is compassionate and firm rather than reactionary and angry.

Equally, when I'm faced with tricky decisions, doing so from a place of clarity can mean more confidence in decision-making and, ultimately, the outcome. In this way, I feel I can respond in a more measured way to the present needs rather than being at the whim of my emotions.

Relevance of mindfulness for children

Made accessible via games

Watch a baby or very young child and you'll notice that mindfulness is their natural state. At some point, this starts becoming less so. The great thing is children are very receptive to being mindful. Here are some ways of managing their stress, bringing in the same fundamental ingredients described earlier.

Snow globe

You can explain the turbulence a child feels using a snow globe. When you shake it, you can't see clearly, which is what happens when our minds are flooded with thoughts like "I'll never pass my test."

When we pause, the feelings settle, and we can focus again. Have your child close their eyes and concentrate on physical sensations to settle their emotions.

Talk them through it, bringing them into the moment. "Think about your feet. Can you feel them on the floor? What are your toes doing?". This helps a child to become present in the moment. Next, ask them to stick with that sensation and take 5 to 10 breaths. For older children, I suggest more breaths.

Bubbles

Bubbles are a great way for children to practise visualising emotions and letting them go. Have children fill their bubbles with negative feelings (anger, sadness, fear). Watching the feelings float away reminds them that these negative emotions are temporary visitors and that they can say goodbye to them now.

Final words... practising mindfulness doesn't mean I haven't panicked or screamed out of frustration but what it does mean is that such incidences are fewer. I still need my son's exclamation of "MUMMY, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!!!" to shake me humorously into being present!

Rabiya McKeverne, Founder of Spring Coaching & Training