Navigating Identity Shifts During Pregnancy: First-Pregnancy Lessons

In this article, we speak with a mum‑to‑be who shares how pregnancy has shaped both her personal and professional identity.

You might call it ‘preparing for parenthood’, but when my husband and I, who both work full time, started trying for a baby, I was definitely ‘preparing for pregnancy’. By that I mean, we knew we wanted to grow our family but hadn’t really given a lot of thought to what happens when/if we fell pregnant.

In truth, the ‘parenthood’ part felt so far off reality, it didn’t really enter my mind. We’d considered finances ahead of trying, taking into account the enhanced maternity pay my company offers, and I’d thought about how my dogs might be affected… but other than that it was a ‘well, we’ll worry about it if it happens’ mentality.

Within the year, we were faced with a positive result - nothing prepares you for that feeling! We were both thrilled and terrified in equal measure.

The first trimester – Hyperemesis Gravidarum

Cue week 7 of my pregnancy and Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) rearing its ugly head. Whereas many people might wait to tell their employer they’re pregnant, I had very little option but to share my news early. My manager knew before I was 10 weeks. Why? Because it’s very difficult to hide repeated vomiting when you have back-to-back meetings and a camera-on culture within the business. Ah, the glamorous world of an HG pregnancy!

Thankfully, my manager was able to support me and adjust my working schedule (think remote working and blocking my diary out for the afternoons when my sickness was at its worst) to enable me to continue working. I had the option to be signed off work from my GP, but for me personally and my own mental health - which had already taken a significant hit - this wasn’t an option I wanted to entertain.

These changes most certainly affected my confidence and my self-belief in being able to perform at my best. I have had multiple ‘wobbles’ over the last 9 months but confiding about my pregnancy with my manager and my direct reports meant I had an incredible support network from very early on. They say you need a village to raise a child and my village started early and has most certainly has involved my co-workers.

The second trimester – Pelvic Girdle Pain

Let’s fast forward to week 20. Vomiting and sickness is very much a daily occurrence at this point still, but with medication and understanding from work, I was at the halfway mark and rapidly approaching viability week! This was when my body decided that HG wasn’t fun enough, and my hormones decided to throw in pelvic girdle pain (PGP) for good measure. By week 30 I’d been referred to physiotherapy by my midwife and given crutches. My professional identity was very much out the window at this point. I felt like my body was letting me down, big time, and pregnancy felt all-encompassing.

As someone who thrives being around people, loves being in the office, and travels for work to various locations and events, battling HG and PGP were not something I’d banked for. I felt as though my whole identity was being shaped by this pregnancy and I was morphing into someone I didn’t recognise, or even like.

The third trimester: hiring for maternity cover

Next up was hiring for maternity cover. And my goodness, what a whirlwind of emotions that is!

1. I wanted someone who could the job well. The job I worked hard for, the job I love. My job.
2. I wanted someone that my manager could rely on, especially knowing how much she’s supported me, and not just through pregnancy.
3. I felt incredibly protective of the team I’d built and wanted my direct reports to flourish under someone else’s management, so their professional development wasn’t going to be hindered by me stepping away to start my family.

But then this is where the unreasonable, hormone-driven, don’t-really-want-to-say-it-out-loud, feelings come in: I was terrified of being replaced, and yes, I wanted my ‘replacement’ to be good, but not too good surely? And what if my manager, team and work besties like them MORE than me? Am I effectively digging my own professional grave by hiring someone that can do my job, and do my job well?

From going through the recruitment process, those feelings thankfully started to plateau. Part of succession planning is empowering someone to do their job (my job) their way, and perhaps stepping away to have a baby is the perfect chance for the team to evolve in ways I wouldn’t have considered. Terrifying, but logical. Thankfully, I was able to find someone who matched the calibre we were looking for in terms of experience and capability, but also in terms of a personal fit within the team. She started six weeks before my planned last day.

Approaching maternity leave

By week 34, my priorities had certainly started to shift. It’s at this point I felt incredibly grateful that my maternity cover had already started, and was not only learning the ropes, but finding her feet with the support of the wider team. Did I feel intimidated? Strangely… no, I felt relaxed, grateful, and able to take on a more supportive role rather than driving things forward in a way that I no longer had the mental or physical capacity for.

It's now that I can finally start ‘preparing for parenthood’ and making peace with the uncertainty that brings.

With two weeks left to go before I close my laptop for the final time this year, my husband and I now have everything ticked off the list in terms of the house being physically ready. And mentally, I’m finally getting my head around motherhood and what that looks like to me.

I’m excited, nervous, and everything in between – but ultimately so ready for this next chapter and meeting my baby boy in just a few short weeks!