Thriving as a Neurodivergent Parent: Balancing Your Needs with Your Family

Being a neurodivergent parent is all about being self-aware and identifying the right approaches that work for you. Whether you feel your best when following a more structured routine or have realised that a few more breaks or some extra "me-time" is much needed in your diary, there is always a way to strike a harmonious balance with your family's needs.

The right tools and methods can make all the difference when it comes to balancing your needs as a neurodivergent parent with those of your family. We're sharing our favourite strategies to help you strike a better balance and help you find ways of working that help you feel your best whilst caring for others.

Communicate and set realistic expectations

Communication is key. Talking openly with your family about your needs, boundaries and challenges can be a great way to ensure everyone has a good understanding of how best to work together as a family. This can help your family manage their expectations, and help alleviate any feelings of anxiety, overwhelm or guilt that may come with the fear of disappointing others.

Calling a family meeting can be one way of communicating, and these can be as casual as a conversation over breakfast. Use this time to check in with each other to see what each person has going on, how they're feeling and what their needs are for the day or week ahead. Family meetings provide a chance for everyone to feel seen, heard and supported, where necessary.

Teach your children about neurodiversity

Creating an inclusive home begins with education. Share age-appropriate information about neurodiversity to help your children understand and appreciate your unique qualities. For example, you might read books or watch videos together that celebrate differences and highlight the strengths of neurodivergent individuals.

Structure and routine

You might find that adding a little more structure and routine to your family's lifestyle could help accommodate all your plans. We encourage you to set aside some time to think about what your ideal routine would look like on a daily, weekly and perhaps monthly basis.

Look to create a consistent, realistic and manageable routine that helps you to manage tasks and achieve your goals. You can always tweak or add to your routine in the future, to ensure it's working optimally for you. Flexible routines are just as valid - adapt them to accommodate your energy levels and sensory needs.

How about trying the time blocking method? Just how you would book meetings in your work calendar, time blocking encourages setting aside chunks of time for all your planned tasks or activities in a day. For instance, your schedule might look like this: 8:00-9:00 AM: Yoga, 9:00-10:00 AM: Clean the kitchen, 10:00 AM-12:00 PM: Cinema trip, 12:00-3:00 PM: Relaxing time, and so on. Use tools like visual schedules, checklists, reminder apps, or whiteboards to outline daily tasks, and ensure it is accessible for everyone at home.

To maintain balance, make sure to include small intermittent breaks between tasks just for yourself, such as exercising, enjoying a relaxing bath, or indulging in your favourite hobby.

Self-care isn't selfish

It's an essential for everyone. It's important to carve out time in your diary to enjoy moments that recharge, to bring you back to your best self. After all, you can't pour from an empty cup.

Popping some time into your diary to ensure you're prioritising self-care and taking breaks when needed might be a great way to ensure you actually get around to doing it. Perhaps set aside twenty minutes on a Friday night to read your favourite novel, or book in that yoga class you've had your eye on for a while?

It's beneficial to acknowledge what stimulates or overwhelms you. For example, if it's loud noises, bright lights or other sensory inputs, ensure you have timed breaks after situations that could be potential triggers. For example, if you need quiet time after playtime, you could always tell your child, "I need 30 minutes of quiet to recharge, so let's set up a timer, and then we can get back to playing."

You might be surprised how even just a little bit of "me time" weaved into your week can help you de-stimulate and restore some balance.

Incorporate sensory-friendly practices

Sensory sensitivities can be challenging in a busy household. Create sensory-friendly zones or kits with items that help you self-regulate, such as noise-cancelling headphones, weighted blankets, or fidget tools. For example, designate a cosy corner with soft lighting and calming objects where you can retreat when feeling overwhelmed.

Seek out a support system

Parenting doesn't have to be a solo effort. A good support system should leave us feeling supported, understood and listened to, when you need some additional help or reassurance. Your support system could consist of family, friends, local support groups, online communities or a combination of all.

Consider sharing responsibilities with your partner, family members, or trusted friends. For instance, a grandparent might help with school pickups, or a friend could babysit while you attend a therapy session. Don't hesitate to seek professional support, such as parenting groups, therapy, or resources tailored to neurodiverse families.

It is important to remember you're not alone in this journey. Being able to share your experiences with relevant support groups and online communities can provide valuable insights, encouragement, and a sense of belonging. One example of such a community is The Neurodiversity Practice's community space for neurodivergent parents.

Embrace your unique parenting strengths

Your neurodivergence can bring innovative approaches to parenting. For instance, some neurodivergent parents find that their ability to think outside the box leads to creative problem-solving in tricky parenting situations. For some, their energy helps them excel at coming up with spontaneous, fun activities that keep their child engaged. Even your deep sense of focus can make you great at creating well-organised systems that benefit the entire household. Reflect on how your personal traits positively influence your parenting style and build on those strengths. Remember, your neurodivergence is a powerful part of who you are.

With just a little planning, a few useful tools and some new approaches to your daily life you can find a little more harmony in your week.