How to Maintain a Strong Relationship with Your Friends After Having Children

The only people in your life that you can pick and choose are your friends. Whether they're old or new, your relationship with them may change when you have a baby, especially when you're juggling work on top of parenting. Being a working parent means your time is even more limited, and the way you connect with friends often shifts. But your new addition doesn't have to mean losing contact - just a change in dynamic.

"Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver, and the other gold." So goes the quote, but different stages of your life and even different circumstances have you spending more time with different people.

Having children can change the dynamic of many of your friendships, especially if they don't have children themselves. Meeting up for a spontaneous drink or shopping trip isn't as easy and simple as it once was, but that doesn't mean relationships can't continue to grow.

Keeping a friendship is a two-way street, and when you have children, your focus changes. And so does the amount of time you have to dedicate to friends. But, staying connected is possible; you just might need to change your tactics.

Flying solo

When catching up with friends who don't have children, and particularly if they work different hours, flexibility is key. Maybe a quick voice note or a shared meme during your commute is all you can manage some days. That's okay. Small gestures still count.

People without children don't want to talk about baby stuff all the time

Naturally, your friends are excited about your new addition. So, take the first few months and focus on your baby; that's all you can do. But at some point, you need to realise that, unless they too are parents of a newborn, the chances are nobody cares too much about your baby's poo, especially people without children. Save the 24/7 discussion of all things baby with your partner or other new parents unless they ask or really want to know!

Understand they may not get how your life works

Those without children may have no idea of the planning it takes just to leave the house, with or without your child. Going out requires planning, and if you are leaving your child at home for the evening, you'll be asking favours left, right, and centre, or your night is getting expensive with a babysitter. Your time is no longer your own, but they may not get that.

Focus on your common ground

As a working parent, your world might revolve around deadlines and dinner prep, but your friends might be navigating their own work stress too. Use that shared experience of adulting and career juggling as a bridge to stay connected.

There may be jealousy

We don't always know what's going on in someone's life. Maybe that friend you've loved for years is struggling to have a baby themselves, and spending time with you and your little one could be painful for them. And maybe you're feeling jealous of the friend who doesn't have children and is yearning for the freedom and independence they have. Accept those feelings on both sides and move on as best you can. While things might seem a little bumpy sometimes, not everything remains the same forever.

Reclaim your time

Every now and then, it's good for you and your child for you to go out and have fun as a person, not just a parent. Have your partner or parents watch the children, if possible, or get a sitter and go out like the old days, although we know you'll likely have an earlier, self-imposed curfew, claiming back those few hours where you can enjoy being you again can be so valuable.

Plus ones but no children

This group of friends may be more sympathetic to your situation, as they may be contemplating children themselves. Or they may be tired of all the baby talk.

Don't push

Just because you have a baby, it doesn't mean they should, too. You never know someone's situation. They may be trying without any luck. Or they may not want children at all. Try to remember that if they have questions, they'll ask.

Don't scare

When we're tired, we tend to moan a bit more than usual. They'll figure it out within their own time, and everyone experiences and responds to the demands of parenthood differently.

The whole gang

While parent friends start out as a convenience (really, who else can talk about the price of nappies that much?), that's not to say they can't become good, solid, life-long friends. Meeting new parent friends is like starting high school or dating, but instead of history class or a bar, you meet them at the NCT or baby music classes.

Sure, you'll only start out talking about your little ones, but one day you might find yourself out for coffee, lunch, or a drink without the babies in tow and find out you have lots in common.