What To Do If Your Teen Pushes You Away

So, your teen has started treating you like an embarrassing extra in the movie of their life. One moment you’re their favourite person, the next you’re ruining everything by asking how their day was.

We get it. The vibe has shifted. Your child, who once begged you to watch them dance in the living room 14 times in a row, now disappears into their room like a moody bat and only emerges for snacks.

But here’s the thing: this behaviour? It’s not personal (even though it feels incredibly personal). It’s part of the growing-up process - a weird, hormonal, Wi-Fi-dependent journey where your teen is trying to figure out who they are without holding your hand the whole time.

1. No, it’s not you

When your teen suddenly starts pulling away, it’s easy to wonder what you did wrong or to feel rejected. But in most cases, it’s not about you. You didn’t suddenly become uncool. It’s about them growing into themselves.

Here’s the truth: when teens push you away, they’re not always saying “I don’t need you.” Often, they’re saying “I need to do this part without you watching so closely.”

Teens push boundaries because they’re trying to figure out who they are. Independence feels like a must. So yes, they’ll test the waters, sometimes by pushing you out. It’s not nice, but it’s normal.

2. Give them space (but don’t disappear)

When your teen starts creating distance, your instinct might be to close the gap. More questions, more check-ins, more hovering. Totally understandable - but sometimes it has the opposite effect.

Instead, give them breathing room while staying emotionally available. You’d be surprised how much teens notice that and appreciate it (even if they won’t say it out loud).

Try this: A simple “I’m here if you ever want to talk about anything, or nothing at all” can go a long way.

3. Keep the connection open - on their terms

Teens may not want to sit down for a deep chat, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want connection. You just might have to meet them where they are.

Think side-by-side time instead of face-to-face pressure. A car ride, a walk, watching a show together. No pressure. No lectures. Just being. It’s showing that connection doesn’t always need to be serious, heavy, or “talk about your feelings now.”

Teens are also fluent in sarcasm, emojis, and TikTok references. Emotional vulnerability? Not so much. If you want in, speak their dialect.

Try:

• Sharing a random memory: “Remember when you made us laugh so hard during that camping trip?”
• Reacting to their world: “I saw this meme and thought of you.”
• Asking for help: “Can you help me pick a playlist for this drive? You always know what’s good.”

These low-pressure moments are when teens feel safest to open up. Just don’t ruin it by reacting too much when they finally say something heartfelt. Stay “chill”.

4. Stay calm, even if they’re not

Yes, it’s frustrating. Yes, sometimes their tone will push every last button you have. But meeting fire with fire rarely works. Teens are watching how we handle conflict, and they need to see that we can stay grounded even when they’re spiralling.

If your parenting style relies on keeping your teen in line through rules, threats, or endless lectures, be ready: they will resist. Because developmentally, they’re wired to start making decisions for themselves.

That doesn’t mean giving up your values. It means switching from command mode to coach mode.

Try:

• “Here’s what I hope for you, but I know you’re figuring out what matters to you.”
• “What would help you feel more in control right now?”
• “Want to talk it through or want to think alone for a bit?”

If things get heated, it’s okay to pause and come back to it later. Let them know, “I can see you’re upset. Let’s talk when we’ve both had a chance to cool down.”

5. Don’t stop talking, just shift the conversation

Even if your teen barely grunts back at you, don’t stop engaging. Keep offering those small nuggets of connection. A quick text to say you’re thinking of them. A compliment. A casual “How was your day?” even if the answer is “fine.”

It might feel one-sided for a while, but these small gestures show your love is unconditional, not based on their mood, attitude, or how much they let you in. That matters.

6. Remember: This phase is temporary

It’s okay to miss the little version of your teen who held your hand and wanted bedtime stories. And it’s okay to grieve that closeness a little. But beneath the hoodie, behind the eye rolls, your child still needs you. They’re just figuring out how to need you differently.

There’s beauty ahead too - in watching them become their own person, in the quiet moments when they do let you back in, and in the knowledge that your steady presence still matters more than they’ll ever admit. Eventually, when they’ve figured out who they are and how much Wi-Fi costs, they’ll come back around.

Stay the course. Keep showing up. Keep believing that the relationship you’ve built is strong enough to weather this phase.