How I'm Feeling About My Eldest Child Going to University

"When she goes, there will be a huge hole in our lives - but out of sight certainly won't be out of mind. I miss her already and she's not even left yet." Deborah looks ahead with dread at the prospect of an emptying family home.

This year my elder daughter Phoebe finishes her A Levels and, all being well, will be going to university. My husband and I have three children together and he also has two older ones from his first marriage. This will be the first time either of us has had a child move out of the family home.

It's All Change

In recent years I have been party to - and I daresay joined in with - frequent jokes and comments from friends and family about how wonderful it will be to 'get the house back to ourselves' when the kids move out, but as the months and weeks tick down to my daughter leaving home, I am beginning to dread it. We already have one spare room for when my husband's children come to stay, and I am not looking forward to having another one largely empty for long periods of time.

When Phoebe moves out of the family home, there will be a huge and evident hole in our lives. Her room will become a silent space, devoid of all the life and energy that has been emanating from there over the years. Yes, her photos and knick-knacks will all be there, and her clothes and books and make-up, but there will be a distinct lack of thumps and bangs coming from above us in the loft; there won't be the same shouts down the stairs asking if we can bring her a drink; or the same (mostly) happy, smiling face brightening my day every time it appears in the kitchen.

Keeping in Touch

I'll still have my hands full though. Work is as demanding as ever and we'll still have our two younger children at home needing our care, attention, food and money. Phoebe is insistent we don't touch her room, that she will be back all the time, and that we are not to touch her things.

How often she will come back to see us isn't totally clear. When I was at university, I only ever came home at the end of the term. There were no mobile phones, and I never spoke to my parents more than every few weeks in my first year away. Communications have certainly improved for parents since then and I hope that I will keep in daily - if not real-time - contact with Phoebe just as I do now, and that she will want to come home often to see us.

Missing Her Already

Things will certainly be quieter in the evenings for us. One less resident child to worry about - what time they are coming in, or who needs collecting, or who to cook for - and whilst that's very welcome, I can't see that I will worry or wonder any less about Phoebe and what she's up to. Out of sight, most certainly won't be out of mind. WhatsApp thankfully means we are always updating each other with notes and queries and I hope that however great the physical distance between us, the emotional distance between us will continue to be very little. All the same, not having her sitting with us for evening meals and at Sunday lunch or supper each week is going to be hard. I'm missing her already and she's not even left yet!

There's no doubt about it: things are changing, and the rate of change will only get faster. Soon enough, 'Our Family Home' will no longer be the main drama - or sitcom - in town. One of the best-loved characters, Phoebe is leaving to become the star of her own self-titled spin-off series. There'll be a new cast of characters - none of which we will have auditioned - and a whole new set of storylines. Maybe we will be allowed a few cameo appearances.

Looking Ahead

I realise I am being melodramatic and anxious, frightened of being left behind and alone when really I should only be excited about what lies ahead for her. Despite me wanting things to remain as they are, I have to accept that leaving the nest is part of growing up and that if she is ready and excited to do it, then I am ready and will try to be excited about seeing it happen.

Of course, should she wish to come back at any point after she graduates then she will be more than welcome to. In fact, I may insist on it because not only can she save some money on rent, and have some home comforts, but by then our other two will also have left, and I'll need as much noise in the house as possible.