Detoxing Relationships That Drain Your Energy: 5 Strategies

Healthy relationships, whether romantic, friendships, colleagues or family, can add huge value to our lives. Having people who truly understand you and support you through life’s ups and downs is incredibly meaningful. But not every relationship is meant to last, and over time, some connections can become draining. Letting go of someone who has played a part in your life is rarely easy, but if a relationship is no longer supporting your wellbeing, it may be time to step back. If you’re wondering how to enforce new boundaries, here’s our advice on recognising when it’s time to move on and how to do it with clarity and confidence.

Listen to your gut

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’ve got that subtle, uncomfortable feeling about someone in your life - the sort of quiet alarm bell that rings in the background whenever you think about interacting with them. Maybe you can’t quite justify it yet, or you worry you’re overreacting, but something in your gut is telling you that this relationship is starting to take more from you than it gives.

This can be especially complicated when that person is embedded in your daily life. Perhaps you work closely with them, live with them, or share a social circle or family connection that makes distancing feel practically impossible. And just to be clear, we’re not talking about bullying, discrimination, or any kind of harmful behaviour. Situations like that need proper safeguarding and dedicated support.

Here, we’re focusing on those relationships that slowly wear you down - the ones that leave you second‑guessing your own needs and draining your emotional wellbeing.

Life doesn’t always offer a neat “breakup” moment. Sometimes it’s less about cutting someone out and more about understanding when boundaries need to be put in place.

Here’s a closer look at how to recognise those moments.

1. It’s all take and no give

Every relationship, regardless of what form it takes, should feel like a two‑way exchange. If you notice that you’re always the one putting in the effort, whether that’s emotional support, practical help, or simply being available whenever they need something, it might be time to pause and reassess. There’s a big difference between being generous and being used for someone else’s needs.

You might see this clearly in a working environment. Think about those times you’ve been assigned to a team project and, almost instantly, you know you’ll be the one doing most of the work. Maybe you’re used to carrying others because you’re competent, reliable, and capable, but that doesn’t mean it’s fair or sustainable. If someone constantly leaves you doing the heavy lifting just because they know you’ll do it, the imbalance becomes something you can no longer ignore.

In a personal relationship, this imbalance often appears through emotional labour rather than tasks. You may be the one who always checks in, listens, reassures, and adapts, while the other person rarely asks how you’re doing or notices when you’re struggling. Plans might revolve around their needs, moods, or availability, with little consideration for yours. Over time, you may start to feel drained, unheard, or taken for granted, especially if your support is expected rather than appreciated. Being caring and dependable is a strength, but when that care is rarely returned, the relationship can begin to feel one-sided rather than mutually supportive.

2. Catching up makes you feel like you need a recovery day

Introverts often get tired after a long day of social interaction, but the exhaustion we’re talking about here is different. This is the emotional fog that settles in after spending time with someone who drains you and leaves you feeling flat rather than uplifted. Instead of feeling connected, you walk away wondering why the entire interaction felt like wading through mud.

This kind of relational fatigue creeps in quietly. One day you realise that meeting up with them doesn’t feel exciting anymore; it feels like something you have to brace yourself for.

3. Editing your personality to keep the peace

Maybe you’re usually lively, confident, warm, or talkative, but this person makes you feel awkward, irritated, or muted. You might censor yourself, walk on eggshells, or put on a version of yourself that doesn’t feel authentic. If you start noticing that you switch personalities around them, or that you don’t recognise who you are in their presence, it’s a strong sign that something is off.

So, if you’ve recognised that someone is bringing you down, how exactly do you cut them out?

Sometimes the answer isn’t as dramatic as walking away forever. Sometimes it’s about small things that protect your emotional wellbeing. Here’s how to begin navigating that shift.

1. Acceptance

The first step, and often the hardest, is accepting that the relationship has changed. When someone has been in your life for a long time, it can be painful to admit that they may no longer be good for you. But acceptance doesn’t mean the relationship was a mistake or that it meant nothing. It simply acknowledges that people grow in different directions. Some relationships naturally settle into new phases, and others come to an end. Neither scenario makes you a villain for wanting to feel emotionally safe and supported.

2. Drawing the line

Once you’ve acknowledged the shift, the next step is communication. These conversations can feel uncomfortable, but they’re essential to protect your wellbeing. You might express that certain jokes are hurtful, or you may ask for more fairness and collaboration if the relationship involves shared responsibilities. The goal isn’t to attack the other person, but to communicate what you need in order to maintain a healthy dynamic.

3. Choose peace over point-scoring

It’s important to remember that difficult conversations do not equal arguments. Some individuals thrive on drama and will try to escalate the situation if challenged. Keeping things neutral and calm not only protects your emotional space but also prevents the situation from spiralling into something bigger than it needs to be.

4. Reflect on the positives

If you’re still struggling with the idea of stepping back, it can be helpful to remember what initially brought you together. Reflecting on the positive aspects of the relationship can soften the emotional blow and help you understand why letting go feels so difficult. This process isn’t about talking yourself out of setting boundaries, but rather, it’s about acknowledging that the relationship once held value and giving yourself grace as you navigate the change.

5. Ease out

Not every distancing needs a big, dramatic finale. In many cases, the gentlest and most sustainable approach is a gradual shift. Instead of abruptly cutting someone off, you might start by reducing the amount of time you spend together or limiting how often you engage in emotionally draining conversations. The relationship may naturally fade as you create more space for yourself. This gives both you and the other person time to adjust without creating unnecessary hurt or confusion.