Waiting, Hoping and Carrying On: Managing Work During Fertility Uncertainty
Most major life events announce themselves clearly. A wedding is carefully planned. A new job comes with a countdown. A house move is circled on the calendar months in advance.
Fertility journeys are often much less straightforward. They can unfold over months or years, through periods of hope and heartache, disappointment and endless decision-making.
While there may be appointments to arrange and milestones to work towards, there are often long stretches where answers remain out of reach; life can start to feel divided between what’s happening today and what might happen in the future.
Learning how to carry on with everyday life while living with this uncertainty is something many people struggle with during fertility treatment, investigations or attempts to conceive. But with the right support and understanding, it can begin to feel a lot less isolating.
A private journey shared by many
In the UK, around one in seven couples experience difficulties conceiving, according to the NHS*. Fertility treatment is also becoming increasingly common, with the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA)** reporting that more than 21,000 babies were born through IVF in the UK in 2024, accounting for around one in every 31 births.
These figures highlight something that is often easy to forget when fertility challenges feel deeply personal: many people are navigating similar experiences, all while continuing to manage relationships and everyday responsibilities that do not simply pause while they wait for answers.
Managing the hidden calendar
Meanwhile, work carries on, too. Projects move forward, meetings fill the diary and emails need answering, even when part of your mind is elsewhere.
For someone navigating fertility challenges, there can be a second, much less visible calendar running alongside the work one: appointments, tests and treatment dates, with long stretches of waiting in between.
It can mean moving between professional focus and deeply personal uncertainty several times in the same day, often without those around you realising quite how much you are holding. Finding a way to manage both is not always easy, but recognising the pressure of that dual reality is an important first step towards asking for the support, flexibility, and understanding that may make work feel more manageable.
How much should you tell people at work?
Some people find enormous relief in sharing their situation with a manager or trusted colleague. Others prefer to keep fertility treatment entirely private. Many sit somewhere in the middle, sharing only what feels necessary.
The key question is not whether you ‘should’ disclose anything, but whether sharing certain information might make your working life easier. For example, letting a manager know that you may need occasional flexibility for medical appointments can remove the pressure of repeatedly creating explanations. It can also help avoid misunderstandings if your availability changes at short notice.
If you do decide to have a conversation, it does not need to be detailed. You might simply say: “I’m currently having treatment that involves regular medical appointments. I’d appreciate some flexibility over the coming months, and I’ll keep you updated where I can.”
That approach allows you to communicate your needs without feeling as though you have to share your entire story.
What helps during the waiting periods?
Waiting can sometimes feel harder than action, and can take up more mental space than expected, leaving you checking your phone more often, rehearsing conversations in your head or finding it harder to concentrate than usual.
It can help to focus gently on what is within your control. That might mean:
- Blocking out appointment times in your diary as soon as possible.
- Avoiding filling every spare moment with fertility research.
- Planning something enjoyable that has nothing to do with treatment.
- Giving yourself permission to decline social invitations that feel difficult.
- Being realistic about what you can manage when energy levels are low.
Some people also find it helpful to create small boundaries around fertility discussions. Rather than thinking about it constantly, they choose specific times to read information, attend forums, or talk things through with loved ones. Not because fertility matters less, but because it deserves space that does not overwhelm everything else.
Navigating difficult workplace moments
Workplaces are full of conversations about family life; pregnancy announcements, discussions about parental leave, questions about weekend plans. Most are shared with kindness and enthusiasm, yet they can still feel difficult when your own path to parenthood feels uncertain.
On some days, you may feel genuinely happy for someone else. On others, the same conversation may feel unexpectedly painful. Giving yourself permission to step away briefly, take a walk, or redirect a conversation is not a sign that you’re unsupportive. It is simply acknowledging what you need in that moment.
Similarly, if you’ve recently experienced unsuccessful treatment or difficult news, it may be helpful to think ahead about situations that could be emotionally challenging and consider what support would help you manage them.
Looking beyond the next update
Fertility uncertainty has a way of shrinking the horizon. It can make every appointment feel decisive and every result feel like the only thing that matters. Yet life continues to unfold alongside the waiting. There are friendships to nurture, projects to complete, birthdays to celebrate, and small everyday moments that still deserve attention. Staying connected to those experiences is not giving up on your hopes – it is allowing your life to remain fuller than one unanswered question.
Some journeys lead to biological parenthood. Others lead to adoption, surrogacy, donor conception, fostering, or different visions of family altogether. Some take longer than expected. Some change direction completely.
When the future feels uncertain, it can help to spend less energy predicting what comes next, and more on making care for yourself, where you are now, the priority.