Talking About Alzheimer’s: Supporting Children Through Emotional Changes
Alzheimer's doesn't just affect the individual experiencing the disease, but their loved ones, too. As the condition progresses, it can be emotionally exhausting and confusing, even for adults. For children, watching a loved one change can bring a wave of emotions and questions that are difficult to process. That's why it's essential to communicate these changes in a clear, compassionate, and age-appropriate way.
But how do you explain Alzheimer's to a child without causing fear or further confusion? Let's explore supportive strategies to help children understand what's happening and feel reassured during a challenging time.
What to expect
Children are naturally curious, so when someone they love is diagnosed with Alzheimer's, it's completely normal for the questions to start rolling in.
“How did they get it?”
“Is it contagious?”
“Why is Grandma acting differently?”
These questions might feel overwhelming at first but, understand that this curiosity is a healthy part of how children process change. It's their way of trying to make sense of something big, and with your support, they'll feel more secure as they navigate it.
Answer questions appropriately
When talking to children about Alzheimer's or any illness, honesty and simplicity are key. For younger primary-school-aged children, it's important to use age-appropriate language. You know your child best, so trust your instincts and tailor your words to their level of understanding.
A good starting point might be something like, “Grandma's brain is feeling a bit poorly.” From there, you can explain that Alzheimer's is a disease that affects how people remember things, talk, and behave, but it's not contagious and doesn't change how much their loved one cares about them.
Create opportunities for communication
Once your child's initial questions about Alzheimer's have been answered, it might seem like the conversation is over, but in reality, it's just beginning. Alzheimer's is a progressive condition, and as your loved one's symptoms change over time, so too will your child's thoughts, feelings, and questions. That's why it's important to create regular opportunities for open, ongoing communication.
Building a strong foundation of emotional openness helps your family navigate the journey together. Encourage your child to express how they're feeling - whether it's sadness, confusion, frustration, or even joy in small moments.
One effective way to keep the conversation going is through shared activities and outings. Children often feel more comfortable opening up when they're engaged in something they enjoy, especially outside of the home. Whether it's a walk in the park, a trip to the library, or a creative activity like drawing or baking, these moments can naturally lead to meaningful conversations without pressure.
Using books to help children understand
Books can be a powerful tool when it comes to helping children make sense of complex topics like Alzheimer's. Through relatable characters and simple language, stories can gently explain what's happening in a way that feels safe and accessible.
There are many child-friendly resources available that explore memory loss, ageing, and the emotional impact of dementia. These books can open the door to meaningful conversations, helping children feel less alone in their experience and more confident in expressing their feelings. We refer you to the Alzheimer's Society's list of book recommendations for children, which includes age-appropriate titles.
Help children get involved
As your role shifts and you take on more caregiving responsibilities for a loved one with Alzheimer's, it's natural to feel stretched - emotionally and practically, particularly with a career alongside more caregiving duties. While caregiving is not something children should be burdened with, involving them in small, age-appropriate ways can help them feel more connected, confident, and included in the family's journey.
Children often feel more at ease when they're given a role, even a small one. Simple tasks like helping with household chores, such as dusting, or setting the table, can give them a sense of purpose and normality. Even non-care tasks, like doing puzzles, drawing, or listening to music with their loved one, can be helpful. These interactions help children feel more comfortable around someone whose behaviour may be changing, while also reinforcing empathy and understanding.
Of course, it's important to assess what's appropriate based on your child's age, maturity, and emotional readiness. The goal isn't to give them responsibility, but to create opportunities for connection, comfort, and communication.
Don't forget you
While you're doing your best to help your child understand and cope with a loved one's Alzheimer's diagnosis, don't forget that you're human too. And when you're juggling caregiving, parenting, and your own feelings, it's easy to put yourself last on the list.
Children are emotional detectives and they pick up on your mood, your tone, and even those quiet moments when you're not quite yourself. They might not know why you're feeling off, but they'll sense it. That's why it's so important to give yourself space to feel, process, and seek support when you need it.
By modelling emotional awareness and self-care, you're not only helping yourself, but you're also showing your child that it's okay to talk about feelings and ask for help.