Sharing Your Cancer Diagnosis with Your Child

Receiving a cancer diagnosis can be an incredibly challenging experience, often accompanied by a whirlwind of emotions. Coming to terms with the diagnosis yourself can be hard enough, but figuring out how to share the news with your loved ones adds another layer of difficulty. When it comes to explaining the situation to a young child, you may find yourself wondering how to communicate this in an age-appropriate manner that they can understand. We share some guidance on how you can navigate this process.

Take Time to Prepare

Before speaking to your child about your cancer diagnosis, it’s important to have a plan of action. This doesn’t mean the conversation should be scripted but having a few key pointers in mind can be very helpful. Think about the main messages you want to convey and anticipate some of the questions your child might ask. It can also be useful to say “I have cancer” aloud to yourself so that it’s not as much of a shock when you do say it to your child. This preparation can help ensure that you communicate clearly and effectively, even if emotions run high during the discussion.

Especially when discussing such an emotive topic, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and lose track of what you want to say. By having a plan, you can stay focused on delivering the essential information and providing the reassurance your child needs. Remember, it’s okay to show your emotions, but having a structured approach can help you maintain clarity and support your child through this difficult conversation.

Use Age-Appropriate Language

The amount of information you share with your child will largely depend on their age and level of comprehension. Toddlers are too young to fully grasp what’s happening, but they may still notice changes in your behaviour or appearance.

Children aged three to five generally have a basic awareness of illness, but using visuals can be very helpful. For instance, you can use soft toys or pictures to explain things in a way they can better grasp.

Older children, who are not yet teenagers, typically have a better sense of how the body works, though they may not fully comprehend everything.

Teens are likely to have more knowledge about cancer, but they might not be familiar with your specific diagnosis. As a result, they may be able to handle a more detailed explanation of your condition. However, using visuals can still be beneficial in helping them understand things better.

Be Honest

As a parent, you probably often tell your child that honesty is the best policy, and the same applies here. While it’s crucial to use age-appropriate language, as previously mentioned, it’s also essential to provide truthful information. Being honest helps build trust and ensures your child feels secure and knows that they can rely on you for the truth going forward. However, honesty doesn’t mean overwhelming them with too much detail. It’s about finding the right balance between being open and protecting them.

Encourage Questions

When you explain your diagnosis, your child might have questions. They may wonder how much time you’ll need to spend at appointments, whether you’ll still be able to work, or how your diagnosis will affect family time. It’s important to create an open environment where they feel comfortable asking these questions.

Even if you don’t have all the answers right now, let them know that it’s okay to ask and that you’ll do your best to provide information as you learn more. This openness can help relieve some of their anxiety and make them feel more involved and informed about the situation. Encouraging questions also shows that you value their feelings and concerns.

Reassure Them

Receiving such news can be shocking or confusing for your child. It’s important to reassure them that, no matter what happens next, they are still loved and cared for; your feelings for them haven’t changed and that you will continue to support and care for them through this challenging time. This reassurance can provide a sense of stability and comfort when they need it most.

Maintain Routine

Your child might worry about how your diagnosis will impact their daily life. After sharing the news, you may even observe changes in their behaviour, such as getting into trouble at home or school or regressing to a younger version of themselves, making it crucial to try and maintain routine, where possible.

Many children thrive on routine, so keeping their daily schedule consistent can provide a sense of stability. This might include sticking to regular mealtimes, bedtimes, and school activities. By keeping these routines, you can help your child feel more secure during this difficult time.

Follow Up

In the days, weeks, and months that follow your first conversation, your child may have additional questions and you may also have new information to share as you learn more about your diagnosis and treatment plan.

During this time, it’s important to keep communication open by encouraging your child to express their thoughts and concerns whenever they come up. Let them know that it’s okay to ask questions at any time and that you will provide updates as you receive new information. This ongoing dialogue can help your child feel more secure and informed to cope with the changes ahead.