Considering Adoption When You Have a Biological Child

Adopting a child is a significant and life-changing decision that can bring immense fulfilment, but it also comes with its own set of unique challenges. If you already have a biological child, you’ll also need to explain that they’ll be gaining a sibling through adoption. In this article, we discuss key considerations when adopting another child and offer advice on navigating this experience.

Practical Considerations

Before discussing how to talk to your biological child about adoption, we’ve highlighted a few practical things to consider as a working parent before making this decision.

Adopting a Child and Working Full-Time

As a working parent, you’re already familiar with the challenges of balancing family life and a career, and adding another child can make this even more complex. One important consideration is how adopting another child will fit into your full-time work schedule.

In the adoption process, your financial situation and employment status are significant factors. The adoption agency will discuss how you plan to manage the responsibilities of caring for a child alongside your job. We recommend visiting First4Adoption for more information on adopting a child in your specific circumstances.

Adoption Leave

Statutory adoption leave can last up to 52 weeks, just like maternity leave. You’re entitled to adoption leave from your first day of employment.

To qualify for adoption leave, you must:

• Be legally classified as an employee
• Inform your employer and provide the required notice
• Provide proof of adoption or fostering to adopt if requested by your employer

Additionally, you must have been matched with a child through an adoption agency. Adoption leave is not available for private adoptions, such as adopting a relative or stepchild without an agency’s involvement.

Talking to Your Biological Child About Adoption

Use Positive, Sensitive Adoption Language

When explaining the adoption process to your child, clear and sensitive language is essential. The way you communicate will vary depending on your child’s age, but it’s never too early to start the conversation. As both your biological and adopted children grow, their understanding of adoption will deepen.

For instance, instead of saying “She was given up,” you might say “Her birth mother placed her for adoption.” This approach fosters a positive perception of adoption and respects the feelings of everyone involved.

Include Your Biological Child

It’s natural for children to experience feelings of jealousy during the adoption process. Instead of penalising them for these emotions, it’s essential to acknowledge and address them. Ensuring that your biological child feels included throughout the journey can help them navigate their emotions more easily.

One way to involve your biological child is by taking them shopping for items for their new sibling. This can help them feel like an important part of the preparations and make bonding with the idea of a new family member easier. You could also encourage them to participate in decorating their new sibling’s room.

Consider checking in regularly with your child throughout the adoption process, giving them space to express their feelings and concerns. Reassuring them that their place in the family is unchanged can help ease any worries about their role as a sibling.

Encourage Questions

Children are naturally curious, and they learn and understand the world around them by asking questions. Adoption is no exception. When your child has questions about adoption, answer them as openly and honestly as possible. This helps ensure that nothing feels secretive or off-limits, creating a sense of trust and openness.

By encouraging your child to ask questions, you help them feel more involved and included in the adoption process. This approach can ease any fears or uncertainties they might have and make them feel more comfortable with the changes happening in your family. It’s also a chance for you to address any misconceptions and reinforce the positive aspects of welcoming a new sibling.

Discuss Diverse Family Structures

Adoption provides a wonderful opportunity to teach children about the diversity of family structures. For example, explain to your child that some children are adopted, some have a single parent, and others may have two mums or two dads.

Our Talking to Children About Diverse Families article offers a few book suggestions that feature adoptive families. These relatable stories that highlight the beauty and uniqueness of each family. By sharing these examples, you can help your child understand that love is the foundations of any family, regardless of its structure.

Explain Different Parenting Needs

Each child is unique, and an adopted child may have different emotional or developmental needs than your biological child. Explaining that some children may need extra attention at first, for instance, can help your biological child understand that this doesn’t mean they’re less loved or valued. Involving them in this learning process can foster empathy and understanding between siblings.

Recognise When Professional Support May Be Helpful

If your child struggles to accept the adoption or has difficulty adjusting to their new sibling, consider seeking support from a family therapist or adoption counsellor. A professional can help children work through complex feelings and give parents tools for supporting both siblings effectively.