How to Handle Criticism Without Taking It Personally: 6 Tips

Receiving feedback, especially negative, can be challenging, whether it's related to our professional or personal lives. Criticism can hurt even more when it comes from someone whose opinion we value or concerns something we're passionate about. The emotional impact of criticism can even lead to feelings of inadequacy or cause us to become defensive. However, it's important to recognise that constructive criticism is a valuable tool for personal growth. When we learn to view it as an opportunity rather than a personal attack, we open ourselves to identifying areas for development and refining our skills.

Constructive versus destructive criticism

Before exploring how to handle constructive criticism effectively, it's key to recognise when it isn’t personal versus when it should be challenged. Here are some key features of constructive criticism:

• Is objective
• Is specific and clear
• Focuses on the behaviour, not you as a person
• Aims to assist with personal or professional development
• Provides solutions for improvement
• Is delivered respectfully
• Is based on observable actions or results
• Offers actionable advice
• Is intended to help you grow and succeed

Destructive criticism, on the other hand, may look like:

• Highlights faults or mistakes without offering guidance for improvement
• Attacks your worth
• Is delivered with negative emotions such as anger or envy
• Is vague and non-specific
• Is intended to hurt rather than help
• Focuses on personal attributes rather than actions
• Is often unsolicited
• Creates a hostile environment

By distinguishing between these two types of feedback, you can better navigate criticism and use it to your advantage. So, how can we learn to embrace it, rather than take offence?

1. Keep composure

Try not to react to criticism by arguing with the person delivering the feedback, getting upset, or responding impulsively. Instead, take a moment to process it so that you can truly focus on what is being said. This doesn't mean dwelling on the negative aspects but rather taking a deep breath, counting to ten, or excusing yourself from the room if necessary.

By pausing before reacting, you allow yourself to approach the feedback with a clear mind. This can help you respond more constructively and avoid escalating the situation.

2. Actively listen

It's important to listen to what is actually being said, rather than your interpretation of it. For example, if you take criticism personally, you might hear that you're a bad employee or that you get everything wrong. But, if you step back and actively listen, you'll likely realise that this isn't the case.

Listening may seem intuitive, but it's a skill that can be developed and refined. Effective listening involves paying full attention to the speaker, focusing on their words, and minimising distractions. It also means not interrupting the speaker and waiting for your turn to contribute to the conversation if you have additional insights.

3. Ask before assuming

When receiving feedback, try to avoid making assumptions if you don't understand or agree with what's being said. Don't be afraid to ask for clarification, without becoming defensive.

For example, if your manager says, "Your report was a bit disorganised," instead of assuming what they mean, you could respond with:

"I appreciate the feedback. Could you point out which sections felt unclear or could be better structured? I’d like to make sure I improve for next time."

Seeking clarification not only helps you understand the feedback better but also demonstrates your willingness to improve. By asking questions and seeking detailed explanations, you can turn potentially confusing or upsetting feedback into a valuable learning experience.

4. Follow up

Now that you have a clear understanding of the criticism and how you can improve, it's time to take actionable steps toward personal growth. Start by creating a plan with your manager or a trusted mentor. For example, if you received feedback that your presentation delivery is unclear, consider enrolling in a public speaking course or practicing in front of a smaller audience to build confidence.

Ensure that the steps you outline are specific and achievable. Set measurable goals and deadlines to track your progress and check in regularly with your manager or mentor for ongoing feedback. This not only helps you stay accountable but also allows you to make necessary adjustments along the way. By proactively addressing the constructive criticism you receive and seeking continuous input, you can turn feedback into a powerful tool for development and success.

5. Remember, it’s not a reflection of you

Constructive feedback is not a reflection of your worth as a person—it’s an opportunity for growth. For instance, at work, you might be told that you take on too many tasks and become overwhelmed. This feedback isn’t meant as criticism but rather as guidance to help you work more efficiently and protect your well-being. Remember, feedback is there to support your success, not diminish your value.

6. Work on self-esteem

Taking things personally can often stem from low self-worth, causing you to interpret feedback as a personal criticism. Low self-esteem can arise from various factors, such as bullying, unhealthy relationships, social conditioning, or other traumas. Fortunately, there are effective ways to build self-esteem, including the use of positive affirmations. These affirmations can help reinforce positive beliefs about yourself, such as:

• I am worthy.
• I choose not to react to situations.
• I let go of what is out of my control.
• Criticism helps me grow.
• I am not responsible for others’ actions.

Positive self-talk works differently for everyone. Some people find it helpful to say them out loud, while others prefer to write them down. Here are 6 strategies to build positive self-talk. By consistently practising positive affirmations, you can gradually improve your self-esteem and learn to handle feedback more constructively.