How My Employer Helped Me with My Mental Health

Glenn describes how moving jobs removed his comfort zone and threw him into a world of self-doubt. When he finally asked his new employers, Sky, for help, they exceeded all his expectations

How it Started

I went straight from university to work and stayed there for 18 years. I only got a job there originally because my now-wife knew the right person, and it was that or we break up and I move back home.

I didn't really care about the job (it was pretty rubbish to be fair) or my career, if I had an income to support us, that was great and enough. 

Eighteen years later I was an industry expert in Fraud, Risk, Investigations and Intelligence. I had an excellent network of contacts both internally and externally, knew all our systems inside and out, and the office was 20 mins away from my house. 

I could get home in time to sit down for dinner with my wife and three children, go to bed pretty much whenever I wanted, even drink on a "school night"! There was no rush for me in the morning.

Life should have been great.

But it wasn't. I was bored, I wasn't being challenged, I was going through the motions, and I was grossly underpaid - but life was easy, so that was OK....right?

My wife stopped working when we had our third child. Her wage no longer covered the cost of the childcare for our three children, so it made no sense to pay other people to raise them outside of school hours. Finances were tough, and my lack of career drive combined with an overuse of credit cards meant we were starting to struggle.

A New Opportunity

Then out of the blue, an old colleague got in contact to ask if I was interested in a career change. It was in London and a promotion compared to where I was, with a decent pay rise to go with it. However, it was also a less than an appealing commute - two hours by train or  one to one and a half hours by car through North London. My initial response was a quick "no thanks". 

 But I couldn't help but notice that she was nearly ten years younger than me and was now Head of Risk at Sky. In the five years since we'd worked together, her drive, determination, and belief in herself had escalated her career far above my own. 

What had I been doing with myself?

I was being offered a life-changing opportunity to move away from my limiting company to a place that would appreciate my worth and give my career the kick-start it needed. I eventually said, 'yes' and one week into the role the trouble began.

You Know Nothing

I went from being this slightly arrogant cock-of-the-north to a quivering mess. After 18 years of pure comfort-zoning, I pushed myself out and found I was left wanting. 

I would lie awake all night (well, it certainly felt like it) stressed out of my mind. 

I suffered from Imposter syndrome.

After a couple of weeks of this stress and insomnia, it just got worse. Now I was anxious about being exhausted and having to drive tired.

Some nights I literally just sat and cried in frustration.

I played it down with my manager and said I was fine. I didn't want to admit I didn't think I was coping in case it made her realise I wasn't right for the job after all.

How Getting Help Saved Me

Eventually I got some help. I did an online personality test which showed me that I am a strategist and need to plan for multiple scenarios to cope. My manager also pretty much demanded I had some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy sessions (CBT). Again, for weeks I had refused, claiming I didn't need it, but reading more about my personality type and realising just how accurate it was helped me to understand I would benefit. it. 

At first, I tried to use the free, local NHS CBT support that was available in my area. I didn't like the idea of anyone even remotely connected to Sky knowing what an emotional wreck I was.

However, the first person I spoke to said they couldn't help me.

I then accessed it via Sky. It was surprisingly easy and after 10-15 minutes I had a referral for an initial consultation. I was doubtful that a stranger could help me but within the first few moments of the session I knew I was wrong.

You seem to gain your self-esteem, your self-worth, from your knowledge and position at work. Where that's been taken away, it's taken away your feeling of self-worth.

Recognising and Facing My Demons

The CBT side of it was probably only about a third of the sessions, the rest of it was more therapy based as we delved into what had caused me to associate my self-worth with being the best at what I did at work.

I won't lie to you; it was painful at times. Some of the realisations I've had and some of the long-buried memories I've had to relive have been tough, but I'm so grateful for it. I understand myself so much better now.

I also understand how sometimes the smallest comment to a child can have the biggest impact on them later in life. 

"You'll never be as good as your sister" was one particular saying that's stayed with me since I was six years old at primary school. The best part of that memory was seeing my mum storm into the staff room the next day and go nose-to-nose with that teacher as the door slammed shut behind her. 

My mum was an absolute hero. 

The sessions also helped me to admit I never properly dealt with the sudden loss of her, three days after she was diagnosed with late-stage cancer and three months after she had re-married my dad, 20+ years after they had initially divorced. Life can be a total bastard at times.

I also came to realise I was heading down the same path as my father, and his father before him, in making the same paternal mistakes with my children, which would have inevitably led to them doing the same to their children and so on, ad infinitum.

I had to acknowledge that I have never properly grieved for the son we lost in the later term of pregnancy, or the horrific nature of how it happened - by the way, that's the first time I've ever said that. Even in my sessions I could only ever say "the baby", something the therapist picked up on very quickly. 

I also had to admit and believe there was nothing I could do to stop my mum's boyfriend putting us all in hospital on my 16th birthday because he'd had too much to drink. 

As it turned out, there were plenty of reasons why I was already an emotional wreck long before Sky got involved. I just wasn't able to cope with it quite so well when the positive side of my psyche was given a battering too.

This Time Next Year, Rodney...

I am glad to say I am now in a much, much better place mentally. I know this story is already very long, and I've missed out or removed so much of what else happened to make me who I am and why I struggled, as well as the help I received. 

To be honest, if you're still reading this now, thank you.

I also hope at some point you nodded sagely, either because you've been there and recognise the patterns, or because you've helped someone in the same place I was. 

Or, worst case scenario, you're currently IN this place. If that's true, please, please take this story as proof that the things Sky - or your employer - has in place for you WILL and can help you. 

But remember, above all else, no matter how hard life seems now, or how utterly unfixable things might feel, it can be done. You just have to take that first step to help yourself. 

In the words of the four tops, Reach out.

You won't regret it.

Glenn.