9 Strategies for Dealing with Difficult People at Work

Having to deal with difficult people at work can be very frustrating, highly upsetting and interfere with getting your job done. We look at some strategies and practical tips to help you keep calm and successfully carry on.

We all come across difficult people at work. I know I do. People who either don't deliver their work on time or are not bothered about the standard of it. People who you have to chase up all the time, are elusive, who play mind games or workplace politics and people who cancel meetings at the last minute, mess with the agreed agenda, or don't bother to show up at all. It can be easy to worry about these difficult people and your interactions with them. Years ago, I used to do just that. I wouldn't just wonder why people were being so difficult, I would also wonder if I ought to change my employer to avoid these types. After a while, I realised that it really wasn't going to be feasible to quit every time I came up against someone difficult and that I would have to equip myself better. Here are nine tips which I've found to work very well in dealing with tricky personalities:

1. Keep your cool

Do you sometimes lose your temper in some situations or when dealing with certain people? Whatever the circumstances, it's likely to be counterproductive. It may well make the other person feel more tense and uncomfortable, but it probably won't get you a positive response or make them keen to collaborate with you. Of course, showing how angry you are may allow you to release your own tension - and might mean you get the response you want from the other person - but keeping your cool and staying calm is the only way you should be in a professional working environment, and it may be your best way to develop a good platform to work on with that person and build some rapport.

2. Understand the other person's perspective

We've all worked with people who seem to exist only to make life difficult. The thing is, most people don't really want to be difficult or unhelpful, it's just that something is making them feel uncooperative or not aligned with the rest of the business. It might not be anything directly to do with you of course but do consider your interactions with them. Are you perhaps asking them to drop everything else to help youorpotentially not giving them enough notice about a meeting or a request for a report? Indeed, is it the way you ask them? If you can understand why a difficult colleague seems unwilling to cooperate with you - and you can resolve the issue, then so much the better.

3. Gain other people's views

Is it just you who finds this colleague difficult or are other team members and those you work with all experiencing similar things or aware of the situation? Without gossiping, try to engage with them and see what they have to say. Their take on things may shed some light on the reasons and give you a better understanding of the constraints or pressures that person is under. Equally, you might glean some useful advice from those close to the situation that can help you.

4. Explain - and gain empathy

You may think that someone is difficult to deal with; they may well feel the same about you. It can be helpful sometimes to explain things to the other person - why you are doing something, and why it matters to you. This might seem counterintuitive; however, it can be the case that by explaining the context, background and reasons, it can actually help others to understand, empathise and be more readily willing to work with you or support your goals.

5. Make it personal

Technology is there to help us be more effective and efficient. The plethora of devices, emails, voicemails and messaging systems can mean however that we lose a little of the personal element in how we connect and interact with our colleagues or other contacts. Personal relationships matter and can make all the difference in whether you have a smooth time at work or a difficult and frustrating one. Be sure to invest time in connecting with the people you work with, whether it's sharing lunch, celebrating team/company birthdays or successes. It may not be your natural style to do so, or be appropriate with every person you come into contact with, but by learning more about them you can reduce 'the distance' between you and hopefully enjoy a better-functioning relationship.

6. Do as you would be done by

Taking out your frustration or impatience on others, or not treating them with respect is unsurprisingly not going to go down well and may mean you end up unable to resolve your problem or get the help you need because you are biting the hand that could feed you. Always try and keep a respectful tone with everyone you deal with; you may find that the person you anticipate as being difficult couldn't be more pleased to go out of their way to help you.

7. Focus on your next best-action

You can't change the past, but you can change the future. If a difficult colleague has made things awkward for you, try not to dwell on it for too long, especially if there is still time to achieve the result you want. Instead, consider what your next best-step should be. Can you follow a new course of action, or make a tactical shift and go about things in a different way? And if so, might your colleague yet be able to help you? They may be proving difficult because they have experience or knowledge that could help you to achieve what you need to. Now might be the time to listen to what they're actually saying.

8. Ignore them

If you have tried some of these suggestions and are still faced with a difficult colleague who is determined not to cooperate or help you, then you may have to simply ignore them and move on. You may wish to have as little to do with the other person as possible, and only deal with them as and when you really have to. This can be awkward when the other person is critical to your working life, but it is important that you ensure you are not drawn into saying or doing anything further that might cause your relationship with them to deteriorate to an untenable position.

9. Escalate and resolve it

If the worst comes to the worst, and your own efforts are not getting you anywhere, then you may need to raise the issue with someone more senior, such as your immediate manager. It shouldn't be the first option you consider, especially if you would prefer to be seen as someone who can handle your own problems or negotiate your own solutions. On the other hand, and especially in more bureaucratic organisations, bringing the issue to the attention of senior management may be the only way you can effectively secure the cooperation of others. Unlikely as it might sound, this can be enough of a platform to build on, over time, using the earlier tips suggested. There's always hope! I hope that some or all of these prove useful and that they enable you to enjoy more fruitful relationships with all the people you work with whether colleague, client, customer or contact.

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James Bright, sales professional and father of two (thankfully not-so-difficult) young children.