How Work and Eldercare Works for Me

Overall, it works well. I do an early morning sweep of emails, and urgent things once the children have left for school. Then with full complement of gadgets, chargers and coffee capsules, I rock up to his house, docking into the kind of prime parking space outside that perhaps only chief execs are usually awarded in the corporate world. I let myself in, and within a few minutes I am fully set-up, logged in, re-caffeinated, and to-do list just begging to be ticked, crossed, and re-ordered.

What could possibly go wrong? On the whole, not much. There is the small matter of the caring though.

Diplomat-level Immunity

The past few months have seen all manner of appointments to which my father needs taking to - visits to the doctors' surgery, opticians, hearing clinic, dentist, physio, hospital, specialist, the falls clinic. I've not been on duty for all of these, but I get my fair share of appointments to fulfil. In general, it all works fine, they are all local, and the traffic is always remarkably low-level in the middle of the day, so the same routes that I often traverse at rush-hours now are refreshingly empty. Further, since we have a 'blue badge', parking comes with almost diplomat-level immunity. Yellow lines? Parking meters? No problem. Disabled bay? Thank you very much.

The result is we are remarkably punctual for all appointments, and overall these things seem to run to time. Which means, in theory, I can be accurate as to when I will not be at my desk like I would be in an office or working out-and-about with laptop tethered to my phone while sat in a reception area or auxiliary coffee bar.

Advocate and Intervene

Most appointments turn out to be one to two hours. Getting there; being there; coming back. But it's not hard to make up the time. You start earlier, you work later either the same day, or on other weekdays, and if need be at weekends. And you make better decisions about what needs doing, how and by when.

On average I have about one appointment every two weeks that I need to take my father to. Work aside, I am glad to be doing my share of the caring, and to be able to be, where need be, an advocate for him. For example, my fellow-sibling carers don't seem to take, or at least share, such detailed notes as I do of what goes on; so being at an appointment for something connected to a previous appointment I have not been part of can mean a good opportunity to understand the situation, and perhaps advocate, steer, or intervene. Most notably, my skills seem to be chasing down appointment times, chasing up missing referral letters, following up and across internal departments who don't seem to be talking to each other. Yep, there's a lot of chasing involved.

Co-existing in Close Proximity

I think my father is a bit bemused by the situation. He is slightly deaf and so, sat in another room from me, when he hears me on a call - regular, or conference - he sometimes thinks I am talking to him, and so might come wandering to find me on unsteady feet, or else keep calling for me to talk to him in the same room as he.

I've learned to let him know when I will be on planned calls and online meetings, and that if I am making a hurried cup of coffee beforehand that this is not necessarily a cue for a cuppa together with the crossword.

So far then, so good.

It's not clear whether we will need to continue to care for him in this way. He's wholly sound of mind, even if his body is less so. With some natural healing and physio, we may be able to return to not having to have someone present at his house each day. Certainly, that's his preference, though I do enjoy the opportunity to co-exist with him in close proximity on the days I go round. We can have lunch and tea together, and it means these visits mean I don't 'need' to visit at the weekend, meaning more time for all the rest of life: work, kids, and admin.

Forward-thinking Employers

I do remain very grateful for the opportunity to work this way. It really does allow me to make work and family operate.

It's recognition by your employer that getting 'it' done is all that really matters - and that you are trusted to do just that.

Of course, I - and others like me - needn't and perhaps shouldn't feel that this recognition and trust is something that is personally bestowed on me. I think it is more something that emanates from forward-thinking employers as part of their make-up: an acknowledgement of the trust implicit in all roles, and an aspiration that everyone should be able to 'deliver' irrespective of where they work and when.

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Simon, working flexibly; from home, office and his father's house.