Calling ‘In’ Vs. Calling ‘Out’: The Art of Allyship Within Today’s Flexible Workplace

All forms of discrimination can manifest through subtle comments and actions in the workplace. Every so often, echoes of the past emerge in the form of flippant remarks like, “I don't see why we need to make such a fuss about pronouns.” It's important to consider how to address these behaviours to create a positive culture and inclusive environment. 

To achieve diversity and positive environments where all can thrive workplaces must strike a careful balance - demonstrating proactive allyship with those who face discrimination, while challenging those who may instinctively or historically be less understanding of these issues. This is where 'calling in' can be helpful. 

What is 'calling in'?

Calling someone out refers to publicly challenging behaviour that is deemed socially unacceptable. While this approach can sometimes feel alienating and may discourage open dialogue, it can be necessary in situations where harmful actions need to be addressed urgently or publicly. 

Calling in, meanwhile, is done respectfully in private - and can be more conducive to collective growth. While calling out can be effective in some cases, calling in offers a more compassionate approach that encourages context, conversation, and understanding. It focuses on education rather than punishment, making it more effective when the goal is to help someone reflect, learn, and do better moving forward. 

When should you call someone in?

• When the person made a mistake but probably didn’t mean harm.
• When you want to maintain (or build) a positive relationship.
• When you believe a quiet, thoughtful conversation can lead to learning.

Calling in involves these steps: 

1. Reflect before reacting

When dealing with microaggressions or discriminatory behaviour, it’s crucial to pause and reflect on the situation. Acting impulsively can escalate the situation or cause the other person to feel attacked. 

What to consider: 

• Is the behaviour intentional or could it be the result of ignorance?
• What impact did the comment or action have on you or others?
• What’s the most constructive way to approach this conversation?

Example: 
If a colleague casually makes a comment like, “You’re so articulate for someone with your background,” take a moment to think about whether this comment stems from an assumption or if it’s an unintentional microaggression. Reflect on why it’s problematic and how to approach it respectfully. 

2. Choose the right time and place

Confronting someone about a microaggression or discriminatory behaviour in a public setting can cause embarrassment and defensiveness. It’s essential to create a safe and private space where both parties can engage without distractions or judgment from others. 

What to do: 

• Choose a private setting, like a quiet office or after-hours conversation.
• Ensure the person is not already stressed or distracted, as it might be harder for them to listen with an open mind.

Example: 
Rather than confronting a colleague in a group meeting, you might say, “Hey, can we talk for a few minutes after the meeting? I just want to clear something up from earlier.” This ensures they aren’t put on the spot and have the mental space for a productive conversation. 

3. Start with curiosity and respect

When addressing discriminatory behaviour or microaggressions, it’s important to approach the person with curiosity and empathy rather than anger or accusations. Assume that they may not be aware of the impact of their actions.

Use “I” statements to avoid making the person feel attacked and instead frame the conversation in terms of your feelings and the impact their words had on you or others. 

Example: 
You might say, “I wanted to talk to you about something you said earlier. I’m sure you didn’t mean to, but the comment you made about my accent felt a little hurtful. I wanted to share how it came across.”

4. Focus on impact, not intent

Discriminatory behaviour and microaggressions often come from a lack of awareness or unconscious bias. While the intent may not have been harmful, the impact can still be significant. Explain how the comment or action made you feel or how it could have made others feel. Help them see the broader context, especially if they may not understand the harm caused. 

Example: 
“I know you probably didn’t mean anything negative, but saying that I’m ‘surprisingly good at this’ because of my background felt dismissive. It implies that my abilities are linked to stereotypes, rather than my unique skills and experience.” 

5. Offer insight or invite reflection

Discriminatory comments and microaggressions often stem from unconscious biases or ingrained stereotypes. Providing insight or sharing resources can help the person gain a broader understanding of why their actions may have been problematic.

Example: 
“There’s a lot of material out there about microaggressions and how they can affect people. If you’re open to it, I can share some resources that helped me understand them better.”

6. Encourage dialogue and openness

Giving the person the opportunity to ask questions or share their perspective can help create mutual understanding and openness. 

What to ask: 

• “How did you mean that comment?”
• “Have you ever heard of microaggressions before?”
• “Do you see how that could be harmful?”

Example: 
After explaining your feelings, you might ask, “I’d love to hear your thoughts on this — have you ever encountered this kind of feedback before?” This shows that you’re open to listening as well and encourages a two-way conversation. 

7. End with support and positivity

Even when calling someone in for a microaggression or discriminatory comment, it’s important to leave them feeling respected and supported, rather than shamed. Ending on a positive note can help preserve your relationship and encourage them to engage more openly in the future. 

What to say: 

• Express appreciation for their willingness to listen.
• Reinforce the idea that everyone makes mistakes, and that learning is an ongoing process.

Example: 
“I really appreciate you taking the time to listen — I know these conversations aren’t easy. We’re all learning, and I’m glad we could talk about this.” 

When is calling out necessary? 

While calling in is a respectful and often effective way to address microaggressions or discriminatory behaviour, there are times when calling out may be necessary. If the behaviour is blatant, harmful, or part of a pattern, and the person has shown no willingness to listen or reflect, calling out may be the only option.

In such cases, the goal shifts from private reflection to making the behaviour publicly visible to prevent further harm. Ultimately, whether calling in or calling out, the priority should always be to create a respectful, inclusive environment where everyone feels safe and valued.