Love Languages: Understanding How Your Child Feels Loved

As a parent, you want your child to feel safe, valued, and loved. But with the busyness of work, school runs, and endless to-do lists, it can be easy to feel like you're not giving your little one as much attention as you'd like.

The good news? Showing love isn't about grand gestures-it's about the little things you do every day. And understanding your child's love language can help you connect with them in a way that truly makes them feel cherished.

What are love languages?

The idea of love languages, first introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, explains that people feel loved in different ways. While this concept is often used in adult relationships, it's just as important when it comes to your child. The five love languages are:

1. Words of affirmation - Kind and encouraging words that build confidence.
2. Quality time - Focused, undivided attention.
3. Acts of service - Doing something helpful for them.
4. Physical touch - Hugs, cuddles, and gentle reassurance.
5. Gifts - Thoughtful gestures that show you're thinking of them.

Your child may respond to all five, but most will have one or two that really stand out.

How to identify your child's love language

Not sure which love language speaks to your child the most? Observing their behaviours, preferences, and reactions can give you valuable insights. Here's what to look for:

Words of affirmation

• Does your child light up when you compliment their efforts or tell them you're proud?
• Do they express love through words, like saying, "I love you" or writing sweet notes?

Quality time

• Does your child constantly ask you to play with them or do activities together?
• Do they become upset when you're too busy to spend time with them?

3. Acts of service

• Do they love doing things for you, like making a card or tidying up to surprise you?
• Do they feel especially loved when you go out of your way to assist them with something important to them?

Physical touch

• Does your child often reach out for hugs, cuddles, or handholding?
• Do they seek physical comfort when they're upset, like wanting to be held or stroked?

Gifts

• Does your child get excited about small surprises, like a note in their lunchbox or a special treat?
• Do they give you small tokens of affection, like drawings or found objects (flowers, pebbles, etc.)?

Ways to show love in their language

As a busy working parent, you may feel like there simply aren't enough hours in the day to show your child how much they mean to you. However, with a little intentionality, it's possible to make small yet meaningful moments of connection that speak directly to their love language.

Words of affirmation

For parents on the go, words of encouragement don't need to be reserved for long, heartfelt conversations. You can slip in a few quick affirmations during your daily routine-whether that's as you're making breakfast, packing lunches, or on the way to school. A simple "I believe in you" as you wave goodbye or telling them they did a great job on a task can lift their spirits and boost their confidence. This helps your child feel recognised and appreciated, even during your busiest moments.

Quality time

Finding moments of quality time doesn't require long hours, just presence and focus. With busy work schedules, it may seem hard to carve out significant time, but you can use small windows during the day to connect. Perhaps it's chatting with your child about their day during the school pick-up or sitting down with them for a quick story or game before bed. It's about being intentional with the time you do have-putting away distractions like phones and emails and giving them your full attention for just a few minutes.

Acts of service

When juggling work and home life, simple acts of service can be a powerful way to show your love. Preparing a favourite snack, ensuring their shoes are ready for the next day, or taking a minute to warm up their blanket can make them feel cared for. These gestures don't have to be time-consuming; they're about meeting your child's needs with kindness and thoughtfulness.

Physical touch

Physical affection is a great way to instantly create a sense of security and connection. As a busy parent, you might think you don't have time for hugs, but a warm embrace as your child leaves for school or a comforting touch as you tuck them in can be incredibly powerful. If mornings are rushed, try holding their hand during a short walk or snuggling on the couch for a few minutes after dinner.

Gifts

Surprising your child with small, thoughtful gifts can be a quick way to show them you care. Busy parents don't always have time to go out and buy elaborate presents, but leaving small surprises like a handwritten note, a sticker, or a favourite treat in their bag can brighten their day. You can even set up little 'surprise stations' around the house, like hiding a favourite snack in their backpack or placing a small trinket on their pillow.

A little love goes a long way

At the end of the day, what matters most is that your child feels secure in your love. By identifying and speaking their love language, even in the smallest of ways, you're building their confidence, strengthening your bond, and giving them the emotional foundation they need to thrive. And remember-there's no perfect way to parent. You're already doing an incredible job just by showing up and trying your best.

So, which love language do you think your child speaks the most? Pay attention to their cues this week and see what resonates-you might be surprised at just how much of a difference it makes!